Traveler's Gift- Excellent Read

A friend of mine gave me the popular book, The Traveler's Gift. It's a pretty decent book, but it's message is very simple. I'm going to write the seven decisions from the book here as a reminder to myself and anyone who's read it. Good to have them someplace to just ponder easily if you don't have the book around...
1. The buck stops here. I am responsible for my past and my future.
2. I will seek wisdom. I will be a servant to others.
3. I am a person of action. I seize this moment. I choose now.
4. I have a decided heart. My destiny is assured.
5. Today I will choose to be happy. I am the possessor of a grateful spirit.
6. I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. I will forgive myself ( my favorite).
7. I will persist without exception. I am a person of Great Faith.

There is a lot in the book that echoes the Secret/Law of Attraction. Its main differences seem to be a focus on self actuation. It feels a bit more empowering, and a bit less esoteric than the Secret. However, I think they all can truly be combined to create one powerful philosophy.

The Law of Attraction and other people

Recently, I've been wondering about the power of the law of attraction and how if you want something, and a person wants something diametrically opposed to what you want, who wins the equation. Here's a for instance. I had to put my son in a private school, because he was too advanced for public school and they didn't have gifted services until second grade. So we put him in the private school, which costs a fortune, but it was worth it for his education. Well this year he became eligible for the gifted public magnet school. Here is the catch. He didn't want to change schools. I tried to cajole him and tell him how exciting it would be to be with other smart kids and have fun...etc...but he really wasn't impressed. We went to the school, he took the tests. He didn't get in. I called the school, they said he missed it by like one point on one of the tests, which is so ridiculous (especially when they claim they don't just look at the tests). Anyway, at first I was pretty devastated...it would have meant a lot more money in our savings to buy a house, etc. I was like, how could God, the Universe do this to me...I had wanted it quite fervently. I thought about it intensely for a few days, trying to make sense. Then I think I finally GOT it. My son just wants to be happy....his happiness is at his current school. I forgot that he also has the power to make the law of attraction work for him. At the end of the day, he got what he wanted for his happiness. I thought, but what about my happiness....for a minute...then I realized...I should want what makes him happy. Maybe it boils down to this...with the Law of Attraction...it's more likely you will achieve what you want if any other people involved are wanting the same thing. There was no way I could sell my son on the other school...the facilities were old, his friends weren't there, and I just couldn't convince him. Now I just need to focus on getting the money for the school and the new house!! We all want the same things now, so maybe it WILL go our way:-)

Going in Circles with the issue of control...

A fundamental part of The Secret or the Law of Attraction is to ask and then believe. In the act of faith and believing, we have to give up the concept of controlling. Yes, we are creating our own destiny through acts of free will, but we wouldn't accomplish anything without the help of the universe, God, your higher power, whatever you want to call it. I have grown up in life to be a control freak...at least when it comes to certain things. In other parts of my life, I totally give up control, but not in a good way...not in a positive way. I try to control what people think of me constantly, I try to influence their opinions, try to convince people what I want is what they want. It's all very destructive in the end and pushes people away...so I've learned the hard way over and over again.

I know if I adhere to the Law of Attraction, and just have faith, then what I truly desire will come to pass. My challenge is that some of these actions are such a contradiction to my personality, that I've been having actual health problems from it. It's like I'm denying who I am, and therefore suppressing powerful emotions, desires, and actions. How can I let go, when my whole life has been about hanging on and controlling things?

I'll continue trying to learn and let go...what are those lyrics from 38 Special, "Just Hold On Loosely, but don't let go, If you cling to tightly, you're gonna lose control."

Lisa Nichols- Podcast Summaries

Summary of Lisa Nichol's Podcast Topics so Far
Here is a basic summary of Lisa Nichols' podcast topics since she started her radio missives. It looks like not all the podcasts are available forever, just the most recent 10. I subscribed and I really think her words of wisdom are worth paying for if you are trying to live by the Law of Attraction:
1. Answering the question: What do I do first? Lisa talks about the Law of Attraction, and she
discusses the actions we have to take.

2. Finding Your "Dot" (I am here as it relates to my spirituality, finances, health, emotions,
relationships). Making 2 lists, what you're grateful for, and what you want to improve.

3. Finding Your "Dot" (part 3) Being flexible. Give things in your life the opportunity to ebb and
flow.

4. Five Areas to Determine the Quality of Your Life- Relationships focus- Don't focus on what the other person is doing/not doing. Look on your side, about what you can do differently.

5. Relationship Prosperity- When we leave the earth, the quality of our life will be determined by the quality of our relationships we had while we were here. How can we deposit more into our "relationship bank".

6. Self Talk- is your self talk positive or negative? Learn how to manage it better.

7. The Power of having Powerful Self Talk- Making sure your "background thoughts" are positive, using positive language. Can only use powerful words..." I have the right to succeed." instead of, "I'm not going to fail."

8. Celebrating the Journey- too often focus on getting to the goal, but forget to enjoy the moment. Be present to the feelings, experience you're having.

9. Health- reconnecting to your body,learn more about how you operate, and focus on healing.

10. Emotions- need to look at and learn how to manage emotions. Focus on how you're feeling, and how to create better feelings for better outcomes.

11. Find out what you're working with. Where are you starting from?

12. Safe Space- having a "safe space" in our relationships. Don't assume anything, ask if you are safe to express yourself. This means an agreement of 3 things: can we agree to reserve judgement?, no repercussions-won't use words against me later, give unconditional love.

13.Power of Words- Remember that your words create memories on people's hearts. Make sure you keep that in mind.

14. Right to Experience Joy- knowing you have earned the right to have happiness.

15. Building Muscles- building your mental/emotional "muscles", not over stressing, building your patience muscle.

16. Gratitude- the space when you are giving the Universe permission to give you more. Be grateful for both the good and bad.

17. Staying Rooted in the WHoLE reality- cutting the umbilical cord to the past...committed to whole truth.

18. Your Home Team- your first team, invest your time- check in and invest in your closest
relationships...your children, spouse...your family

Here's a link to get a subscription: http://www.goodlifenetworks.com/nichols.php

Law of Attraction: Weight Loss Update

Ok, well, while I was sick and grieving, I decided I really need to just let go of the weight loss thing and not worry about it. I tried to remind myself that once you Ask, you just need to Believe, and be prepared to Receive. Sometimes your mind gets in the way, and you don't let the Law of Attraction work, because you are thinking too much about it. So I just thought...God, please help me be healthy, and I let go. I didn't think about eating carbs or not eating carbs. I didn't worry about much really. I also promised myself I'll only get on the scale once a week. So what are the results? Well, I not only lost the weight I had gained, but I finally broke my plateau barrier and went down 3 lbs below it!!! Yippeee!!

Now, the temptation is...once you have a taste of success to try to control it, to try to enhance it somehow. Nope...I'm not gonna do it. I'm just going to keep myself open to receiving. I only could exercise twice this week, because I still am coughing and having breathing trouble, but I think whatever I'm doing is ok. So I'm not going to overanalyse it here or in my head. I just give it up to the Universe, to God...make me healthy please, and help me to be free and balanced.

A lot of critics who don't understand the Law of Attraction or The Secret, complain that it does not focus at all on actions required of the person. What I have learned is actually this is the place where most trip up. If you believe your actions can control the outcome, then you begin trying to control the process. If you try to control the process, then you haven't truly given it to the Universe and God to handle for you. Part of why it works is that we stop obsessing about the thing we want/don't want, and just allow it to happen. If my body needs exercise, and the Universe wills it, I will be motivated and exercise. So far so good. I personally want to exercise 5 days a week and am capable of that...but I wasn't losing weight at all while I was doing it before I got sick. Maybe something in my body was off balance. So I'm just listening to what my body tells me, not obsessing, trying to let balance happen without my hand on the controls. I'll let you know how it goes!

Trying to see daylight...

Well, this week has been one of challenge and despair. It started Monday morning, with the news that my beloved Grandmother passed away. She was finally ready to go, and I was glad she crossed over...but I was in a very dark place. I felt her absence immediately. That morning I had awakened with chest pain, and the beginnings of what felt to be a chest cold. By Wednesday it was a full fledged cough, and by Thursday, I had a fever. When it rains it pours...I kept feeling guilty, could it be my depressed body was attracting yet more doom? I finally went to the doctor, and she gave me medications to heal just about anything. I'm still coughing today (Saturday), and have been begging God, the Universe, anybody to help me get better. My mother is visiting from Florida, and my son is dying to get out of the house and do something, but I still feel like I have a 50lb monkey on my chest.

I have some things on my mind that should probably be free, in order for me to get better. First things first, a friend of mine, well, I realized the limits of our friendship this week. I am trying to seriously look at the bright side, and be grateful for when I do have his friendship, to not focus on what's not available to me. The friendship is unbalanced, but frankly, it's me who gets the most of of it I think, so I just have to be continually grateful for what I can be to him, and just let the rest go. It's been a source of worry in the back of my mind all week. We pretty much resolved things on Thursday, but didn't talk on Friday...so I was back to worrying. Oh well...I've GOT TO LET IT GO.

I'm trying so hard to raise myself up to higher levels emotionally. It is hard when a loved one dies...hard to find joy again...especially in the midst of family drama and a major lack of emotional support. My friends have all pulled away (don't blame them since I'm technically contagious probably), but I really need them closer. I don't do well alone. When I try to deal with things alone, I tend to bury it and let it simmer at a slow boil until months later it erupts in the form of a fight with my husband. I rarely remember the source of it all...and he gets the brunt of it.

I'm going to try the last exercise in Ask and it is Given, by Esther and Jerry Hicks. It's an exercise to help you move up the emotional scale. The specific example is a woman dealing with the death of her father, so I'm going to attempt the same exercise with the death of my Grandmother.

I'm going to make a list of conscious statements that I hope will help me move up the scale.

-I am desolate knowing I'll never see my grandmother again.
(grief)

-I wish my father and uncle had not mislead me about how serious her condition was, thus keeping me from coming down to be with her.
(anger)

-My father told me I should have visited her more while she was alive, but he knows I physically couldn't go this past year.
(rage)

-She wouldn't have given up the will to live, if my uncle hadn't bought a house across the country and gone away for a month at Christmas leaving her alone. It was like everyone was waiting for her to die, like she was an inconvenience to them.
(anger)

-My sister claimed she didn't feel that the family included her. She feels my father and uncle don't love her. That she chose this time to reveal all this only adds more stress to the time.
(anger,guilt, despair)


- I got to say I love you on the phone to her, and she vocalized, so I think she understood me.
(hopefulness)

-I'll give my sisters each their choice of anything that was left to me, so they feel better.
(hopefulness)

-I'm looking forward to getting over this illness and getting back to work, to a normal routine.
(positive expectation)

-I appreciate my husband so much for calling me last week, for understanding immediately what I needed, for being there as much as he can from so far away.
(Appreciation)

-I'm grateful for my mom helping me out this week around the house and with Cole while I've been sick.
(Appreciation)

-I appreciate my friends who have expressed their words of kindness, support, concern. For those who have actually wanted to help me...I am so grateful.
(Appreciation, love)

-Death is part of life. It makes me more aware of valuing everyone I have around me. I almost lost my mother as well two months ago. Death has been more prevalent around me and my friends these past months. God is telling us to appreciate all we have and live, thrive, create NOW.
(knowledge)

-I'm glad my Grandma is in a place where she is surrounded by her loved ones. I know she is now aware of all her goodness and has learned as well. To be in a place of joy and understanding is a million times better.
(knowledge, joy)

-I loved being blessed with TWO mothers, each unique and special in her way. Now I have one on each side of the world working in my favor.
(blessed, joyful, appreciative)

-All of this is good. I can find joy in the midst of darkness. For this I am grateful.
(joyful, appreciative)

The key to this exercise is to keep doing it I think. Because it's easy in the middle of being sick, dealing with grief, to see yourself slide back down into anger and other places of resistance. Now that I've done this though, I can just re-read it, and hopefully help myself get out of the grief, out of my illness and back into joy.

Thanks,
Mary K.

My Grandmother is dying...

I got some terrible news over the weekend, that my grandmother who went in for hip surgery last week, has taken a turn for the worse in her recovery. She had a heart attack, and because she's 95 and has a living will, etc...she determined she would rather go to hospice than have them take heroic measures to keep her a live. She lives in Florida, so it is too far for me to drive there, and I have my mother coming to visit me in a couple days...so I just cannot go. I'm trying to deal with horrible grief and not vibrate at the absolutely lowest levels of the emotional scale. I am trying to focus on the joy she gave me while she was living. It's hard though. I woke up with major chest pain and feeling like I had been run over by a truck. I had a party to take my son to this afternoon, but didn't want to go. But I knew it wasn't fair to him to keep him at home all day watching his mother grieve and not having any idea how to help me. So we went, and for a time I was slightly cheered by friends, the company of children, babies looking at me like I had answers and smiling at me with delight. My friends were supportive and kind...so I was at least able to get myself up slightly. Then magically I had a call from my husband's ship...something he's never been able to do in the past...and just the sound of his voice made me feel that all could be okay. He is very spiritual and matter of fact...and he told me to count my blessings, and think about how she had raised me, and how she would want me to remember her not as the fading person in a sick bed, but as the Grandmother who played cards with the twinkling eyes, who let me stir the pots and help her can the summer garden's fruits. My uncle told me her last lucid conversation with him had been about me and my health. This made me bawl of course.

My biggest challenge is my health. I'm diabetic and 160 lbs overweight. It's a daunting thing to try to ask for help with a challenge that big. This week I started with the Esther Hicks processes, to try to regain my health. Along with exercise and trying to eat better, I'm meditating, trying to heal my diabetes, trying to let my body regain balance. I have to let go of something so self-destructive inside, that I cannot even talk about it. When I can do that, I know the healing will begin. Knowing that it was my Grandmother's dying wish that I regain my health, I have more motivation than ever to ask God for help, and to follow through with my own actions.

As of tonight, my Grandmother is still with us. Please say a prayer for her to let go, and be with all those who love her on the other side. I know she will be with me always. Thanks Gram.

Dealing with Absence

Lately I've had to try to figure out how to stay positive in the extended absence of my husband (deployment), and friends going away who I tend to lean on. I really don't like the connotation of missing someone...because it truly focuses on something not there, a part of you gone, it's a taking away. So my current thoughts are pointed in the direction of the person's return. Focusing totally on the complete joy I will feel when I see my husband again...he'll have been gone 9 months total from June last year to July this year...a ton of time to be without your partner. I know when I see him, when I finally lay eyes on him, and see his smile again...my heart will not be complete...it will be running over with joy. I wrote this poem for all the people I used to miss, but for who now I simply appreciate and look forward to...

Longing

I attempted to fill my days
With friends and food
And light and work
But I lingered in my mind.

I fought to forget
Willed myself positive
Fresh, anew, focused
And yet languid time
Dragged and pulled me down.

While you flashed
With happiness and glee
I stayed quiet
Alone, but not so lonely.

The end of this
Imposed solitude
Is coming,
And I yearn for
The wave of warmth
Your smile will bring.

If the mere thought
of you brings me joy
God bless me
With your return.
And I will be
Once again alive.

OptimistLab -a great blog/site about Law of Attraction

Check out this thoughtfully laid out and rich in content site dedicated to the Law of Attraction. I feel like I could linger there for days....back to work:
http://www.optimistlab.com/

Emotional Scale- from Jerry-Esther Hicks

The book Ask and it is Given, by Esther and Jerry Hicks has several processes for helping you to move upward on the emotional scale. Scholars of the Secret, Law of Attraction, etc...focus on the fact that we are more able to receive and succeed if we are in a positive emotional state. Being able to identify where you are on the emotional scale, and knowing the processes to move your way back to the top toward empowerment and joy is critical. I'm studying the processes now. I highly recommend the book, but must say the audio version of the processes is not worth purchasing, because the "reader"/audio person is not very good, and it's basically just a reading of the book without any special production value. So stick with the book. Here's a link:
http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Given-Jerry-Hicks/dp/1401907997/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-8223795-9392847?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1176404333&sr=8-1

Here is the emotional scale, and I will be posting some of the strategies I find helpful:
Emotional Scale
Joy- knowledge,empowerment,freedom,love,appreciation
Passion
Enthusiasm-eagerness, happiness
Positive Expectation belief
Optimism
Hopefulness
Contentment
Boredom
Pessimism
Frustration
Overwhelmment
Disappointment
Doubt
Worry
Blame
Discouragement
Anger
Revenge
Hatred-rage
Jealousy
Insecurity-guilt,unworthiness
Fear-Grief, Powerlessness, despair, depression

I'm going to spend the next few days noting where I am on the scale and trying to assess how to pull myself up toward Joy.

The Secret- a friend's testimonial

My friend who watched The Secret dvd at my request has been putting it to use in her life for a few weeks now. She called me early this morning with exciting news. She has been trying for a number of things in her life, one being financial success and freedom. She told me her father who lives with her made a mistake and paid a bill incorrectly, causing them some serious financial stress. She told me, she just had faith, and knew somehow things would be fine. She has been doing the whole "checks in the mail" vs. "debt/bills in the mail" thing. Her true focus was on her ex paying child support. So this morning she called her bank and lo and behold $600 had been put in her account from her ex's employment deduction (he was previously unemplyed). She was so happy she had to call the bank back like 3 times to make sure it was true. Sure enough it was true, and of course she is even more grateful now to use The Secret and Law of Attraction to solidify her faith in what she can create in her life.

Lisa Nichols - Radio-Podcasts- The Secret

I found out that you can subscribe to a daily podcast from Lisa Nichols. I think she was one of the most powerful speakers in The Secret. You can subscribe at this site:
http://www.goodlifenetworks.com/nichols.php

I've listened to a couple and definitely am finding them motivational. Also, here are some quotes from one of her special reports:

"You don't get somethign because of luck. You get something because you've shown up and you are ready for it to come."

"You have to be in action about what you want."

"Your job is to get ready, to be whole and complete in you so that when the universe responds you get everything you desire."
- Lisa Nichols

Her website is mostly just an infomercial for her speaking engagements and things, so not much to see, but I can recommend the podcasts (which are really downloadable mp3 segments..no way I could find to actually subscribe in Itunes).

If you want to check out her website, here's the address:
http://www.lisa-nichols.com/index2.htm

Recharging - The Law of Attraction and renewing your commitment to it

The past few weeks have been kind of rough for me. I haven't lost weight (gained in fact), and have had some emotional ups and downs. I feel like I'm drifting away from my ideals, my desires, and losing track of what I really want. I have to recharge, rethink, refocus, and keep on moving...I wrote this..

The sun has climbed
Out of the wintry clouds
To kiss the backs of my hands
With warmth, with light.

For a minute feeling
A universe of energy
Entering my pores
Spreading its simple joy.

Flood me, fill me
With hope, with happiness
With some power
To hold back the fear.

It's not easy
It doesn't wait for you
To let go, to let it
Come in.
It flies in a moment
Hang on.

So that's what I'm doing, I'm hanging on...because I know I have faith and believe in this process. I'm going to do some reading today in the Ask and it Is Given book by Esther Hicks. In that book, they have a number of processes you can do depending on how you are feeling. In the coming days I'll discuss them as I attempt to implement them in my life.

The Secret and those around you

One issue I have with The Secret, is what do you do if the people around you are negative, or are having their own desires that are counter to your own. Whose desires are right/wrong in the eyes of God? How does he choose whose desires to fulfill?

Here's an interesting example. My friend who was staying with me a few days, kept saying there was snow in the forecast. I told her, just hope for no snow. So we woke up Saturday morning and it was snowing, and pretty hard, so it did worry us her flight might be delayed. We had made plans to go to a local diner that is known for breakfast...but when we got there it was packed and a fifteen minute wait. I was pretty annoyed, because my friend just wanted to go straight to the airport. I knew there wasn't anyplace in the airport that was good for breakfast. Oh well I thought, so we headed off for the airport. On the way, I told her we'd all been way too negative, and we should just be grateful and ask that the snow stop, the sun to shine, and some pleace decent to go to breakfast. About a block from the airport, we notice to our left, a Golden Corral. My friend says, "Let's go there!". So we went to the Golden Corral, and the snow was still coming down. After about 45 minutes, we went to leave, and the sun was shining, and the temperature had rose about 10 degrees. We both looked at each other and laughed. The Secret had worked, but not until we both wanted the same thing!

I guess we could infer that the Secret, or Law of Attraction is especially powerful if people are asking for the same thing together. But what to do, if you don't realize that you and the people you care about aren't on the same page? Share the secret! That's what I did with my friend, and I'm hoping others will do. The more we discuss our hopes and dreams with each other, and how we will achieve them through faith and gratitude, then more will happen for everyone!

The Law of Attraction- small scale

When you're first trying out The Secret or Law of Attraction, it does take awhile to receive things/circumstances you want. However, there are a lot of small things you can do to help reinforce the entire process. This is going to seem a little silly, but try it with parking spaces. You'll be AMAZED how it works for this. Tonight I was driving my friends to various restaurants and places sight seeing, and every place we stopped, before I pulled into the place I just simply said in my mind, Thank You for the great parking space, and in each place we went we had closer and better spots. It was a joke after the first two, but I could tell my friend was interested by the time it happened a third time. It also has been happening when I pick my son up from afterschool. There are three prime parking spaces marked for 20 minute parking...and in the past it always seemed they were full and I had to park elsewhere. But once I started my little parking experiment, I can tell you about 90% of the time, I get one of these prime spots now. Coincidence? You be the judge, and try it yourself.

Living the Secret- Mostly Ups, Some Downs

First, I'll start with my somewhat disappointing attempts at losing weight the past few months. I've lost 13 pounds in 3 months, but recently hit a plateau. I was basically low carbing two meals a day, working out 5 times a week for 45 minutes (biking/walking), and was getting down about lack of results. So this past week I decided I needed a break...FROM EVERYTHING. I ate what I wanted and didn't exercise...how did I feel? Like total crap. I felt like a no energy sloth slug. And I gained 5 lbs.

So I'm wondering if my mindset was not right somehow. I have basically been using the message that I want to be healthy and whole. And I've been very grateful for the fact that I can workout 45 minutes at a time, considering I'm morbidly obese and it's a challenge. I've recently added the concept of freedom to my visualizations. I want to be healthy and whole, but most of all I want to be free to do what I want...ride roller coasters with my son, fit on airplanes comfortably, be able to feel attractive on the outside as well as the inside. I'm just not sure what's going wrong.

I've been going to therapy for a few months, and it has been helpful. Though, I think we have to be careful not to dwell on the past and negative experiences, which therapy is sometimes all about. I would like to tell my therapist about my recent foray into the Law of Attraction, and my changes I've made, but sometimes people balk at metaphysical solutions. I just know that there is something in my subconscious derailing my efforts to heal my body. What can it be? I think part of it is definitely fear based...like I'm afraid what I would do if I was attractive to others...would I be a faithful wife? Would I be tempted to explore sides of my sexuality that I never did before? And would that in turn tear apart my life? I guess those are some pretty big fears...haha...no wonder I haven't continued losing weight!?

I welcome any comments or suggestions on this. I don't know if anyone else has used the Law of Attraction to lose weight or the Secret? I am trying. Today I'm going to drink only water, and try to refocus on what's important to achieving the freedom I desire.

Okay...and now for GOOD STUFF!!!

The Secret - Testimonial 2 - The Babysitter and Having Fun

Okay, since I've moved to Virginia almost 3 years ago, I've only found one person who can babysit my son. It's mostly because I'm not good at networking, and have never really wanted strangers watching him. The woman he goes to sometimes when he's out of school and I have to work, well, he doesn't like her because she's very strict. I understand how he feels. I also hate having to take him to her house...I just wanted a babysitter, a college student or something to come to my house.

So this week, I had the opportunity to ask for a babysitter. I had a work event that I was really looking forward to...our department was having a pool tournement during/after work. I wanted desparately to be able to stay and hang out, be social, and feel young for a change. I'm only 33, and not getting out of the house for months is tough. So I just asked God and the universe...I need a babysitter, how can I get this to work. Well, my son goes to an after school program at his school, and this girl at the front desk...I see her everyday, and I just asked...Do you do babysitting on the side? And of course she said YES!! This was just on Wednesday, and the event was Friday (yesterday). So she agreed to just take him home after the after school program was over, and babysit him til 9pm. I was soooo thrilled...not only did I get a babysitter, but she's someone my son already likes and respects, and is background checked! I felt like I'd struck gold.

Then, that also contributes to some other things I've been asking for...more fun in my life, and support from my friends. To get ready for the tournement I took my son to a pool playing place for two days prior, and one night my friend Jason came along, so we got to chat and have a good time and I was able to brush up on my pool skills. So the day of the tournement I was hoping to win, but got to the second round, which wasn't bad. I actually played decently well, and had no major screw ups. I did drink a few Guiness's and enjoyed myself immensely. Jason came in after work to hang out with me after the pool thing was over and walked me back to my car. He's been a great, supportive friend. I was also able to finally meet the wife of another friend at work, which was cool...it's hard to be friends with married guys if you don't know their wives.

So, things are trucking along for me and my desires...here's what my goals are right now:
-be healthy, whole, and free (renewing commitment, working through fears, resistance)
-to gain the support of my friends (going great, having so much help)
-to enjoy my life more (went out two nights this week, yeah!)
-get a babysitter I can trust (check that one off, yippee!)
-be a patient, loving mother
-look forward to my husband's return and focus on what we will do, instead of missing him
-financial freedom (coming along)
-find the best education for my son (tests for new school next week)

Overall, things are going very well, and I am grateful. Please share your stories, what you are thanking for;-)

Mary

The Secret- Testimonial 1 - The Treadmill

Okay, here's a story that is a definite testament to the Universe taking a hand in things so to speak. I had been wanting a treadmill for awhile, but they aren't cheap, so I was waiting for a cash windfall of sorts (my work FINALLY paid me my back pay). Given what I had learned from The Secret, I basically just put it out there...I want a treadmill. So I started researching different brands, and trying to decide where to get one. I zeroed in on a particular department store and researched models online reading reviews, etc. So I chose one. Now, next I had another challenge. My husband is deployed! How was I going to get a treadmill home? I had a friend who had a truck and he's pretty strong, so I called him up and said, hey, can you help me to go this particular department store nearby and get this treadmill. The cost at that store was almost $400. My friend said, well, I can take you to one of those department stores, but not that particular one, because my ex is a manager there! haha...so I called up the other branch of the store he suggested, the manager came on the line, and he informed me that not only did they have that model in stock, but they had one from the previous year left in the back, and that I could have it for $300! WOW...so this was working for me, I had the treadmill in my sites, a friend to help me pick it up, and now a kind worker giving me the best deal...couldn't do better than that. But it doesn't end there...

So my friend and I go to the store, pick up the treadmill and bring it back to my house. We only had about 45 minutes to set it up before we both had to be somewhere. So we frantically started putting it together. About 45 minutes later, we had it done, so I get on it, and turn it on....everything starts...except the actual running belt!!! Oh no!! Neither of us had time to trouble shoot it, so we were both bummed. So I came home later and phoned up the department store's service department, and they were cool to send someone out. I would have to take off work, which was a pain, but I just didn't want to wait 2 weeks for a Saturday fix date. Good thing I didn't...read on...

So, you know how repair people are....they give you this 4 hour window, and usually hardly ever show up. Well my window was from 12-5. I had a lunch meeting that would take me almost to 12, so I was nervous. I began imagining in my mind...this repair guy is going to come at 2pm, the fix is going to be easy, and I'm going to be free to do whatever I want the rest of the afternoon, or work...hehe. I rush home after my lunch meeting and am happy to discover the repair guy hasn't called or anything yet, so I login to my laptop and work for awhile. At 1:50pm the phone rings and it's "Pete" the repair guy...he's about 10 minutes away from my house. So promptly at 2pm I hear a knock at the door next to my apartment...I'm thinking, could that be him? I open the door, and sure enough the repair service had written down the wront apartment number...shewww near miss!

He comes in, and he's very friendly, chatting with me, talking about what usually causes the problem with the treadmill. He says it's usually just the panel being screwed on too tight or something. So he undoes the control panel, and then tests it with the panel loose. Sure enough, the treadmill runs fine. Thinking he's got it fixed, he puts the panel back on, hits the button...nothing...my hopes plummet. He's like, don't worry, I know some other things....so he pulls off another panel that we had assembled that covers the computer cord thing that connects the motor to the control panel. He opens it, and I'm totally devastated, because the true cause of the problem is that in our hurry to assemble things, a screw had gone right through the computer cord. Pete is very soothing...he calms my worries, as he patiently strips each tiny wire to make sure nothing's been totally cut, then gingerly wraps the wires with electrical tape. He wraps each tiny wire, then rebundles them together with more tape, and hits the button...BOOM! We have a winner, it totally worked! I was very happy he'd fixed it, but I was really worried about the cord and if it would last. He said, don't worry...and smiled. I wasn't sure what he meant.

He went down to his truck, entered some stuff in his computer and came back with a receipt. He told me, here's the receipt for the new cable I just ordered for you. I said, "Well how much will it cost me Pete, because I know it was our fault it broke". He said, "Nothing...don't worry." He was totally like an angel from heaven I tell you...the part would have cost me $270. A week later I got a package in the mail, and sure enough it was the replacement cord, which I've tucked away in the manual safely in case I ever need it.

The treadmill has run fine ever since, and I have lost at least 3 pounds since I've bought it. And the blessing of this story is that it is helping me to achieve yet another desire...to be healthy and whole, and free to do things like ride roller coasters and ice skate with my son.

Do you have any Secret testimonials? I have more to share later, but I just wanted to get that one on the table for now. You could say these were all just a bunch of coincidences that got me to where I wanted to be...but I firmly believe that without my positive thinking, visualization, and allowing myself to receive these things/opportunities/people in my life, I wouldn't have what I have or be who I am.

Challenges with Changing

Recently, I've noticed in my efforts to integrate The Secret into my life, I have run into some road blocks. I'll want something, or think I want something, and the opposite will happen, or it will definitely not go as planned. Here's an example...I really want to lose weight, and part of my goal in doing so is not to eat fast food except maybe once a week, and that's usually on the weekend. My son begged for some Burger King as we were picking up something across the street. I talked to him about how we only do that on the weekends, etc...so being the little negotiator he is, he cleverly suggested that we swap our weekend fast food splurge with tonight. So I gave in, I caved, and had a burger and fries. When I got home...I began seething with anger...snapping at my son, really losing it for no reason. I just couldn't understand why I was just so out of sorts.

I decided after tucking him into bed, that instead of watching tv or even doing exercises, I would just meditate and try to figure out why I was so upset. I re-watched some parts of the Secret while ironing, and then sat down to read some more in Ask and It is Given, to figure out where my anger was coming from. I knew these absolutely dark, negative emotions were not going to get me anywhere. I finally discovered, that what was going on, was my anger was a direct reaction of my thoughts and actions being out of alignment. My thought/desire was to ultimately eat a healthy dinner and work out, but my actions were to eat crap and get upset about it. How can I possibly receive anything I truly want if my actions are directly contrary to them. It may seem psychologically simple, and silly, but it's important to "go there". Anger seems to dwell in me quite a bit, and come out in violent outbursts that are scary to me, and to my son. If I don't try harder to get my actions and my thoughts going together in the same direction, it will only get worse.

There are some other instances where I'm doing the same thing in relationships. I think I'm still trying to force issues, instead of receiving and allowing. My goal today is to focus on allowing and receiving, not to take any action against my desires. Tomorrow I will write some testimonials on the postive side of the Secret, so don't worry!

The Secret, Law of Attraction, etc

Ok, the recent hype over The Secret on Oprah had me thinking I was in the twilight zone. I have for the past two years been chasing down this theory. It all started when I read Joel Osteen's book, Your Best Life Now. Though his is a Christian perspective on self improvement, many of his tenets in his book follow closely the various issues discussed in The Secret dvd. We all know there are no such things as coincidences...or rather those of us who love Jung think that way. Well a guy who I work with, now a good friend, handed me some cd's from a Dr. Wayne Dyer...low and behold, his topic is the Power of Intention, whose basis lies in the Law of Attraction. That same day I listened to the cd's Oprah has on the people from The Secret DVD. I felt like I had come to a major cross roads in life...the universe, God was definitely shouting something at me. I got The Secret DVD and watched it. It was like the world came rushing into focus, and I suddenly began to GET IT.

I immediately ordered another book called Ask and It is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks. Their book has definitely helpful strategies for overcoming resistance. I am thrilled with it so far.

So along with my poetry, and ramblings, I'd also like to use my blog as a testament to the teachings of all these folks. I have some stories I'll post soon that show how it "works". I believe in it so much, I keep telling my friends and family about it in the hopes that someone else will join me in it. It's not a bloody cult or anything, and you could argue that positive thinking and visualization are just good psychology, but it's the element of FAITH that is always missing from all the other paths to achievement and self improvement.

So, more later on all that...ciao for now.

Transferring few entries from Yahoo

Since I started my blog over on Yahoo, I decide to move my first few posts over here:
[I had changed my template there to Art Deco, and began lamenting the fact that I wasn't born in an era when...]

What I would have given to live life with people, and in a time where you were passionate about anything. What are people passionate about today? Their ability to acquire things, their children's skillsets they never had, their bigger, badder SUV, their perfect balanced lifestyles. What happened to art, music, poetry, salons of friends revelutionizing...I mean what better time in history was there than now for some revelutionary get togethers.

OH but I'm too old to be a disenchanted youth, and too young to be a disillusioned washed up middle aged woman. I'm here in the prime of my life, waiting to be inspired, to inspire something, anything to come out of my soul. I don't want to look back on my life, and only have my kid as my best accomplishment...ok, he will be my best accomplishment, but I want the second thing to be something REALLY great. Something that changes lives, impacts people, changes the world, makes things better.

I just need to get over the bitterness I'm feeling now. I'm feeling the bile of disappointment. But of course, it is all my own fault as usual. How many times in our lives do we imagine things to be there, and realize...they are not going to manifest how we imagined. That perhaps we tried to make something or someone into what we needed them to be, instead of just taking them at face value and appreciating them for who they are as they are. I seem to do it over and over again. I don't know, I really felt cosmicly connected this time, so I'm not sure how to interpret things. What is the universe trying to tell me? Don't be greedy, don't be so needy, don't be so pushy, don't try to make things exist...that's God's job. But if God didn't want me to try to force my way through life, why was my personality forged that way. It is so hard to change something so intrinsic, to try to actually wait for what you want, patiently with gratitude and full faith. I know it works, but I keep forgetting.

2007-03-25 13:46:12 GMT
Entry for March 24, 2007
I'm so new to this blogging concept, and though it's not a new concept, I'm trying to decide if it's something I can do....I mean...is it the ultimate stream of conscious writing tool. Do we honestly expect people to read what comes of it. I don't know. I've always thought journaling to be intrinsically private...and to open it up to public scrutiny would change the veracity of one's work. I mean how can you really bare your soul, when you're afraid to be naked in public so to speak...if what you write ends up being what you hope people will appreciate this week, or want to read...who knows that.

Cole lost his first tooth today...one of those big deals in mommyhood and kidhood. Magically the tooth fairy has a dollar in her wallet for Cole's tooth. So amazing, because she thought she didn't have any...and boom, there was one right there, just enough...so she can pay on time without interest.
I am hyped up because I have my first paid free lancing job that I'm looking forward to doing. It's not like those boring editing jobs years ago, but one where I'm actually being able to create an over all "something". Makes me feel like I'm genuinely using my talents for creative endeavors finally.


My eyes are tired from chlorine...swimming all afternoon at the recently rejoined YMCA. God it is so peaceful just swimming...we literally had the entire pool to ourselves...blissful. Feeling weightless, even for an hour is such a gift...in an environment where I can do something I'm pretty good at and feel good doing it too. Cole was happy as a clam...

The tooth fairy has to stay up late tonight...not much hope for sleeping early. She's gotta wait til he's in REM sleep...no coughing, no twitching...just dreaming away, then she'll try so hard to find the special tooth pillow to get that itty bitty tooth out and put the dollar in the pocket. What does she do with all those precious pearls? Thinking about saving them..is that creepy? Where are the tooth fairy's teeth? Who gave her money for her teeth?

I haven't written much worth writing here this week...mostly personal poetry asking myself how much of an idiot am I really going to be in this life. Now that's not being positive at all, but sometimes I just want to say FUCK positive...I just want to dwell in a cesspool of self pity for awhile please. So that is where I resided in my writing this week...somewhere between the cesspool and positivity. The cesspool was the poem about weak men/strong women...the positivity, about being grateful for people in your life...a poem called Thank You, I've yet to post.
Lately I find myself struggling between my mind's ideals, and my heart's aching needs. It leads to great confusion when it comes to focusing on what you want in life. If you truly want to attract more in your life of what you want, you can't be confused. You can't say in your mind, this is what I want, yet in your heart, your spirit, you're longing for something else, something absolutely contrary to that thought. How to reconcile such differences...do you go with your sometimes base heart, or stick with the morale, dignified mind. I'm trying for mind...really I am.

Poetry Links

Here are links to my poetry pages:
http://www.geocities.com/fiennesite/2005-2007.htm

http://www.geocities.com/fiennesite/2002-2003.htm

Thanks for checking them out. If you want to comment on one, feel free to copy and paste it into a comment box.
To comment on my poetry, please go to my poetry blog:
http://marykirkpatrick.blogspot.com/
Thanks,
Mary

Thank You

Thank You

You may think
You're just an ordinary
Human being
Walking along, minding
Your own business.

But how could it be
That everything you
Say sounds right to me
Fits my feelings
Answers my questions.

Like cosmic crossroads
Brought you into my orbit
And I watch you wander
In the space of my world.
Wondering why, what for.

But I just don't care
You bring me peace
Instrospection, not selfcentered
narcissism,
Relief from my own
Downward spiral.

Such gratitude
Expression eludes me
Most of the time
When I'd just like to say
Thank You.