I got some terrible news over the weekend, that my grandmother who went in for hip surgery last week, has taken a turn for the worse in her recovery. She had a heart attack, and because she's 95 and has a living will, etc...she determined she would rather go to hospice than have them take heroic measures to keep her a live. She lives in Florida, so it is too far for me to drive there, and I have my mother coming to visit me in a couple days...so I just cannot go. I'm trying to deal with horrible grief and not vibrate at the absolutely lowest levels of the emotional scale. I am trying to focus on the joy she gave me while she was living. It's hard though. I woke up with major chest pain and feeling like I had been run over by a truck. I had a party to take my son to this afternoon, but didn't want to go. But I knew it wasn't fair to him to keep him at home all day watching his mother grieve and not having any idea how to help me. So we went, and for a time I was slightly cheered by friends, the company of children, babies looking at me like I had answers and smiling at me with delight. My friends were supportive and kind...so I was at least able to get myself up slightly. Then magically I had a call from my husband's ship...something he's never been able to do in the past...and just the sound of his voice made me feel that all could be okay. He is very spiritual and matter of fact...and he told me to count my blessings, and think about how she had raised me, and how she would want me to remember her not as the fading person in a sick bed, but as the Grandmother who played cards with the twinkling eyes, who let me stir the pots and help her can the summer garden's fruits. My uncle told me her last lucid conversation with him had been about me and my health. This made me bawl of course.
My biggest challenge is my health. I'm diabetic and 160 lbs overweight. It's a daunting thing to try to ask for help with a challenge that big. This week I started with the Esther Hicks processes, to try to regain my health. Along with exercise and trying to eat better, I'm meditating, trying to heal my diabetes, trying to let my body regain balance. I have to let go of something so self-destructive inside, that I cannot even talk about it. When I can do that, I know the healing will begin. Knowing that it was my Grandmother's dying wish that I regain my health, I have more motivation than ever to ask God for help, and to follow through with my own actions.
As of tonight, my Grandmother is still with us. Please say a prayer for her to let go, and be with all those who love her on the other side. I know she will be with me always. Thanks Gram.
2 comments:
Bless you! I have worked with the Hick's Law of Attraction work and it is powerful! I wanted to share another work and site with you as it was extremely helpful to me to make room for the miracle: it is from Colin Tipping's Radical Forgiveness book and the site is- ww.radical forgiveness.com. You can download a worksheet and it is about loving and supporting yourself in every way and on deep, deep levels and that is where the healing begins and ends! Love to you! Marsha
I came back to this site to see how it has evolved on its own in the ether, and Marsha left me a great tip, and I know it's no accident I found it tonight on a night when I'm genuinely struggling. Thank you and blessings to you, Marsha
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