Challenges with Changing

Recently, I've noticed in my efforts to integrate The Secret into my life, I have run into some road blocks. I'll want something, or think I want something, and the opposite will happen, or it will definitely not go as planned. Here's an example...I really want to lose weight, and part of my goal in doing so is not to eat fast food except maybe once a week, and that's usually on the weekend. My son begged for some Burger King as we were picking up something across the street. I talked to him about how we only do that on the weekends, etc...so being the little negotiator he is, he cleverly suggested that we swap our weekend fast food splurge with tonight. So I gave in, I caved, and had a burger and fries. When I got home...I began seething with anger...snapping at my son, really losing it for no reason. I just couldn't understand why I was just so out of sorts.

I decided after tucking him into bed, that instead of watching tv or even doing exercises, I would just meditate and try to figure out why I was so upset. I re-watched some parts of the Secret while ironing, and then sat down to read some more in Ask and It is Given, to figure out where my anger was coming from. I knew these absolutely dark, negative emotions were not going to get me anywhere. I finally discovered, that what was going on, was my anger was a direct reaction of my thoughts and actions being out of alignment. My thought/desire was to ultimately eat a healthy dinner and work out, but my actions were to eat crap and get upset about it. How can I possibly receive anything I truly want if my actions are directly contrary to them. It may seem psychologically simple, and silly, but it's important to "go there". Anger seems to dwell in me quite a bit, and come out in violent outbursts that are scary to me, and to my son. If I don't try harder to get my actions and my thoughts going together in the same direction, it will only get worse.

There are some other instances where I'm doing the same thing in relationships. I think I'm still trying to force issues, instead of receiving and allowing. My goal today is to focus on allowing and receiving, not to take any action against my desires. Tomorrow I will write some testimonials on the postive side of the Secret, so don't worry!