Mindful Self Compassion and Connection

I have decided that though attachment is the root of all suffering, CONNECTION is not. Connection means to willfully, intentionally reach out to others in an effort to share your humanity, authentically share who you are, and receive from others who they are, what they have to give. Sometimes these connections are happy and pleasurable, and other times they are painful and depressing. Nevertheless, you can say "I authentically connected with that person...and it was meaningful". We live in the digital era, where everything is short, virtual, and we still feel empty. Make sure you make an effort to reach out and talk to and connect with your neighbors, your colleagues, your friends, family who treat you decently, and the grocery clerk checking you out. Find something in common, have a little chat, share a smile, do something kind for someone....these human connections are what make us whole. I want to share this awesome TED talk about addiction and connection...it is very deep.




After you watch this, try reading the book, The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion.

Learning how to be kind to ourselves is the only way we can live by the golden rule. So before you connect to others, make sure you're being kind to yourself, and that will extend to others :-)

An Update..what have I attracted in the past 8 years...

It is really hard to believe that it has been eight years since I wrote in this blog last. I guess life took over, and I had to choose what was the most important to me. The Law of Attraction allowed me to create the following in my life:

-a divorce from my first husband who ended up coming out as bi/gay in the first couple years after our divorce

- the courage to become a single mom, and then the courage to realize I don't like being single, and that's okay

-meeting the most amazing man of my life in a virtual world, getting together, getting married, and having another son

-changing my body so I could get rid of the disease of diabetes (check out my gastric bypass blog for more on that)

-then realizing I've failed that objective (gained back much of my weight during pregnancy, and have not lost it)

-attracted a narcissistic boss who I had to kiss her ass for 10 weeks because my grade depended on her feedback

-being grateful for every lesson, no matter how hard, every day that I'm lucky enough to still be here

The most wonderful truth about the Law of Attraction is that the Universe will collaborate with you, no matter what you're trying to create for yourself, whether "good" or "bad".  That is the very definition of our free will, and true unconditional love.

Traveler's Gift- Excellent Read

A friend of mine gave me the popular book, The Traveler's Gift. It's a pretty decent book, but it's message is very simple. I'm going to write the seven decisions from the book here as a reminder to myself and anyone who's read it. Good to have them someplace to just ponder easily if you don't have the book around...
1. The buck stops here. I am responsible for my past and my future.
2. I will seek wisdom. I will be a servant to others.
3. I am a person of action. I seize this moment. I choose now.
4. I have a decided heart. My destiny is assured.
5. Today I will choose to be happy. I am the possessor of a grateful spirit.
6. I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. I will forgive myself ( my favorite).
7. I will persist without exception. I am a person of Great Faith.

There is a lot in the book that echoes the Secret/Law of Attraction. Its main differences seem to be a focus on self actuation. It feels a bit more empowering, and a bit less esoteric than the Secret. However, I think they all can truly be combined to create one powerful philosophy.

The Law of Attraction and other people

Recently, I've been wondering about the power of the law of attraction and how if you want something, and a person wants something diametrically opposed to what you want, who wins the equation. Here's a for instance. I had to put my son in a private school, because he was too advanced for public school and they didn't have gifted services until second grade. So we put him in the private school, which costs a fortune, but it was worth it for his education. Well this year he became eligible for the gifted public magnet school. Here is the catch. He didn't want to change schools. I tried to cajole him and tell him how exciting it would be to be with other smart kids and have fun...etc...but he really wasn't impressed. We went to the school, he took the tests. He didn't get in. I called the school, they said he missed it by like one point on one of the tests, which is so ridiculous (especially when they claim they don't just look at the tests). Anyway, at first I was pretty devastated...it would have meant a lot more money in our savings to buy a house, etc. I was like, how could God, the Universe do this to me...I had wanted it quite fervently. I thought about it intensely for a few days, trying to make sense. Then I think I finally GOT it. My son just wants to be happy....his happiness is at his current school. I forgot that he also has the power to make the law of attraction work for him. At the end of the day, he got what he wanted for his happiness. I thought, but what about my happiness....for a minute...then I realized...I should want what makes him happy. Maybe it boils down to this...with the Law of Attraction...it's more likely you will achieve what you want if any other people involved are wanting the same thing. There was no way I could sell my son on the other school...the facilities were old, his friends weren't there, and I just couldn't convince him. Now I just need to focus on getting the money for the school and the new house!! We all want the same things now, so maybe it WILL go our way:-)

Going in Circles with the issue of control...

A fundamental part of The Secret or the Law of Attraction is to ask and then believe. In the act of faith and believing, we have to give up the concept of controlling. Yes, we are creating our own destiny through acts of free will, but we wouldn't accomplish anything without the help of the universe, God, your higher power, whatever you want to call it. I have grown up in life to be a control freak...at least when it comes to certain things. In other parts of my life, I totally give up control, but not in a good way...not in a positive way. I try to control what people think of me constantly, I try to influence their opinions, try to convince people what I want is what they want. It's all very destructive in the end and pushes people away...so I've learned the hard way over and over again.

I know if I adhere to the Law of Attraction, and just have faith, then what I truly desire will come to pass. My challenge is that some of these actions are such a contradiction to my personality, that I've been having actual health problems from it. It's like I'm denying who I am, and therefore suppressing powerful emotions, desires, and actions. How can I let go, when my whole life has been about hanging on and controlling things?

I'll continue trying to learn and let go...what are those lyrics from 38 Special, "Just Hold On Loosely, but don't let go, If you cling to tightly, you're gonna lose control."

Lisa Nichols- Podcast Summaries

Summary of Lisa Nichol's Podcast Topics so Far
Here is a basic summary of Lisa Nichols' podcast topics since she started her radio missives. It looks like not all the podcasts are available forever, just the most recent 10. I subscribed and I really think her words of wisdom are worth paying for if you are trying to live by the Law of Attraction:
1. Answering the question: What do I do first? Lisa talks about the Law of Attraction, and she
discusses the actions we have to take.

2. Finding Your "Dot" (I am here as it relates to my spirituality, finances, health, emotions,
relationships). Making 2 lists, what you're grateful for, and what you want to improve.

3. Finding Your "Dot" (part 3) Being flexible. Give things in your life the opportunity to ebb and
flow.

4. Five Areas to Determine the Quality of Your Life- Relationships focus- Don't focus on what the other person is doing/not doing. Look on your side, about what you can do differently.

5. Relationship Prosperity- When we leave the earth, the quality of our life will be determined by the quality of our relationships we had while we were here. How can we deposit more into our "relationship bank".

6. Self Talk- is your self talk positive or negative? Learn how to manage it better.

7. The Power of having Powerful Self Talk- Making sure your "background thoughts" are positive, using positive language. Can only use powerful words..." I have the right to succeed." instead of, "I'm not going to fail."

8. Celebrating the Journey- too often focus on getting to the goal, but forget to enjoy the moment. Be present to the feelings, experience you're having.

9. Health- reconnecting to your body,learn more about how you operate, and focus on healing.

10. Emotions- need to look at and learn how to manage emotions. Focus on how you're feeling, and how to create better feelings for better outcomes.

11. Find out what you're working with. Where are you starting from?

12. Safe Space- having a "safe space" in our relationships. Don't assume anything, ask if you are safe to express yourself. This means an agreement of 3 things: can we agree to reserve judgement?, no repercussions-won't use words against me later, give unconditional love.

13.Power of Words- Remember that your words create memories on people's hearts. Make sure you keep that in mind.

14. Right to Experience Joy- knowing you have earned the right to have happiness.

15. Building Muscles- building your mental/emotional "muscles", not over stressing, building your patience muscle.

16. Gratitude- the space when you are giving the Universe permission to give you more. Be grateful for both the good and bad.

17. Staying Rooted in the WHoLE reality- cutting the umbilical cord to the past...committed to whole truth.

18. Your Home Team- your first team, invest your time- check in and invest in your closest
relationships...your children, spouse...your family

Here's a link to get a subscription: http://www.goodlifenetworks.com/nichols.php

Law of Attraction: Weight Loss Update

Ok, well, while I was sick and grieving, I decided I really need to just let go of the weight loss thing and not worry about it. I tried to remind myself that once you Ask, you just need to Believe, and be prepared to Receive. Sometimes your mind gets in the way, and you don't let the Law of Attraction work, because you are thinking too much about it. So I just thought...God, please help me be healthy, and I let go. I didn't think about eating carbs or not eating carbs. I didn't worry about much really. I also promised myself I'll only get on the scale once a week. So what are the results? Well, I not only lost the weight I had gained, but I finally broke my plateau barrier and went down 3 lbs below it!!! Yippeee!!

Now, the temptation is...once you have a taste of success to try to control it, to try to enhance it somehow. Nope...I'm not gonna do it. I'm just going to keep myself open to receiving. I only could exercise twice this week, because I still am coughing and having breathing trouble, but I think whatever I'm doing is ok. So I'm not going to overanalyse it here or in my head. I just give it up to the Universe, to God...make me healthy please, and help me to be free and balanced.

A lot of critics who don't understand the Law of Attraction or The Secret, complain that it does not focus at all on actions required of the person. What I have learned is actually this is the place where most trip up. If you believe your actions can control the outcome, then you begin trying to control the process. If you try to control the process, then you haven't truly given it to the Universe and God to handle for you. Part of why it works is that we stop obsessing about the thing we want/don't want, and just allow it to happen. If my body needs exercise, and the Universe wills it, I will be motivated and exercise. So far so good. I personally want to exercise 5 days a week and am capable of that...but I wasn't losing weight at all while I was doing it before I got sick. Maybe something in my body was off balance. So I'm just listening to what my body tells me, not obsessing, trying to let balance happen without my hand on the controls. I'll let you know how it goes!